Scott Free​.​.​. Red Handed

by Nolto & Factor

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about

The third album from Nolto & Factor tells a story about Scott Freeman and Caroline Bright. This story has no heroes and no happy endings -- just like real life.

credits

released November 14, 2014

Beats by Factor. Raps by Nolto. Cuts by Chaps. Guest Vocals by Mairin Loewen and Kay the Aquanaut. Art by Craig Wilson.

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Track Name: A Young Girl’s Funeral – 1:13pm, June 15, 2001
A Young Girl’s Funeral – 1:13pm, June 15, 2001

“I grow”

The sun’s smiling and the sky’s looking beautiful
such terrible weather for a young girl’s funeral
the priest is talking about jesus and not about her
“where was jesus when the truck ran her life out, sir?”
To use her death as a podium to preach your faith
is ungodly and surely in poor taste
talk about a desire to kill the messenger
‘cause I couldn’t find God or anyone else you claim were friends with her.

“Weaker by cycles I die”

I don’t belong inside of a church, she don’t belong inside of a hearse
she died young and strong, now inside of the earth.
They don’t belong, they weren’t her friends,
it’s only now they recognize what she’s worth.
I’m surprised at these jerks and now I’m too angry to cry
supervised and it hurts. This is how I handle her dying.
and I’m frantically trying to cry, except my eyes keep candidly drying.
Antics aside, I should be no less than distraught
especially after all of the attention I’ve got.
But, did I mention I’m not? (no)
and how I’m going to lie to my boss, to get some time off?
It probably wouldn’t require much imagination
not like when I think about her final destination…
I bet it’s a lot like sleeping without dreaming.
God I wish these people were finally leaving.
…But, they’re just gathering coats.
and I’m put to work, so they keep handing me most
and I hand them to their respective guests, looking sombre
her parents probably thinking ‘bout how I was dating their daughter.

Like a chainsaw, boring a hole in my brain (awww).

Her parents pull me aside, and ask me for an audience. I fully complied.
Yeah, it could be a lie, when they say they think of me as family
I should have replied, that “I’m a member who’s glad to be.”
But, instead I just nodded,
while they say I should have their daughter’s college fund
and I feel all undone,
but feel obligated to take it, because they call me “son.”
It’s like I profit from her death, and what an awkward little mess
there’s not a lot left except to walk into the sunset
into eternal unrest, and all I can seem to do is wonder if it’s lunch yet.
Is this shit done yet?

Like a chainsaw, boring a hole in my brain (awww).
Track Name: Wide Eyes – 8:27pm, June 12, 2001
Wide Eyes – 8:27pm, June 12, 2001

“How could I let my best friend be a cassette?”
He’s been up and down the country, east to west and every which way
But, at this rate, it’s obvious he’ll be a bit late
Though, you can’t tell it from the display on his face
The road is long, but this trucker’s not dismayed
‘cause he’s cueing side “a” on his mixtape
the one where he can sing along without making a mistake
Just wait, this first song is insane
He rewinds… and hits play
It reminds him of his first wife, at first sight, love can come as a surprise
When her eyes met his, the chorus came alive, to aid in their fates’ collide.

There she was. Light hair and bright wide eyes.
There she was. Right there. To my surprise.

Second verse: it’s amazing to hear.
It carries him away. It’s like he ain’t even here.
Invited his auto-pilot to brazenly steer
In and out of dotted lines and veer away from the deer
Let me make this clear: he thinks trucking is a lame career
But then he drowns his pain in beer
His favourite years have all come and gone
A time machine, when he hears some of these songs
They call it a single, but it’s one he keeps revisiting
This ain’t hard work, to him, it’s easy listening.
3 minutes and 31 seconds just won’t do
Back to the start to give it one more go through

Singing along while rewinding the song
When suddenly he glanced up… and saw…

There she was. Light hair and bright wide eyes.
There she was. Right there. To my surprise.

He only took his eyes off of the pavement for a second
Later on, he’d wonder if he could have paid it more attention
Could have escaped the horrid lesson, where he learned what it’s like
Taking a beautiful young woman’s life
At first he was angry at god for not having alerted her
Then angry that god never thought to rearrange fate’s furniture
To an alternative universe, where he wasn’t a murderer
And could listen to his favourite song and not have it refer to her

There she was. Light hair and bright wide eyes.
There she was. Right there. To my surprise.

Now he can’t get the song or her face out of his mind
He’s out of his mind, wishing he could rewind
Go back to when he was about to rewind
To the time, where no doubt he felt fine
To shout to himself “look out! Look out, or she’ll die”
No, better yet, he wishes she had killed him
Without having to live with the guilt that that has built in
For every reason to live, and believe me there’s a million
Her face cries otherwise, the face of god’s children
So he decided to let go of control
Let go of his soul, and yet no one will know
Because when they discover him they’ll say it was an accident
He must have fallen asleep. If only he’d have blasted that cassette!

There she was. Light hair and bright wide eyes.
There she was. Right there. To my surprise.
Track Name: Her Turn – 7:46pm, June 12, 2001
Her Turn – 7:46pm, June 12, 2001

Aww, such a silly waste, when people with beautiful smiles endure shitty days
Her pretty face used to reflect her inner grace, but now embraced a trace of hate for life’s bitter taste.
She’s in a daze, but still amazed at the many different ways her hope’s been erased.
Life handed her lemons; she’s a bit afraid that she’ll never be in the mood for lemonade.
Though it’s a breathtaking evening. The sun and moon exchanging greetings.
The sun said “goodnight moon”, even though he’d just woken up from the sun’s point of view.
It was purely sickening. Why wasn’t the world around her even listening?
If she could just set fire to it all, the world would match the way she sees it now.
She learned to pretend that the serpent was friend
And wrote angry letters, but couldn’t determine which version to send
Not the kind of sermon that Thomas Merton would pen,
But the version the vermin deserve to be read
She’s a person who tends to get hurt by her friends
And not want to work it out when it could certainly mend
She prefers it to end, rather than curve or just bend
She wants the perfect revenge before her curtains descend.

She’s got her thumb in sight, walking highway number 5
She wants to bum a ride to take her to the other side
Lord no need to forgive her. Just please deliver
Someone to pick her up as a hitcher and turn out to be a psychopathic killer
But, she can’t wait for God’s magic, in which she doesn’t believe
She doesn’t care if she’s there, if she even gets the prestige.

Pick a car any car, then watch very carefully
As she takes out the hurt on herself, instead of on therapy
And she imagines that he’s reading the note that she left this evening
And receiving the meaning of her leaving them grieving
She pictures him crying while explaining her dying thoughts
And nobody ever forgiving him, even though he keeps trying lots.
Within this comfortable setting she walked in front of the semi
And died instantly, hoping that his trouble gets heavy
But she will never get to find out that her death was in vain
But from the moon’s point of view at least she looked happy again.

When they found her, they said it looked like an accident
It must have been an accident, had to have been an accident
Nobody that passionate about life would ever abandon it
Must have been an accident… they didn’t know the half of it.
Track Name: Warmth (ft. Mairin Loewen) – 10:22pm, April 1, 1999
Warmth – 10:22pm, April 1, 1999

(I think we’re alone now
There doesn’t seem to be anyone around)

She’s a keen sight, it was pitch black
Thank God for the street lights, I wouldn’t want to miss that.
the night was gift wrapped and in my hand
Got caught up when I caught her on a side glace.
by chance did you hear about a storm coming?
we better get indoors before it pours for one thing.
She says she lives about a block away.
It could have been a longer walk we had a lot to say.
there’s no time to stop and play
I too felt a few drops of rain.
but that isn’t what she meant she said with a smile
in that case, I’ve also been wet for a while
it was my mistake – but whatever
the night’s been great and it’s only getting better.
it might be fate – ask fate – will I and she date, or wait?
we seem to like to chase mistakes only to find that we never find them.

Silly me, I’ve forgotten
my ability to be calm with caution
I perceived he smiled at me
and besides It felt like the right time to leave.
It was so cold to ask him to spend the night with me.
I know he has a girlfriend. so, why would he…?
he gladly had me grasping asking is this actually happening?
and the last thing that I remember
is the night all day and my surrender.
we lied together, told lies together
the storm’s outside, with I (eye) in the center
mainly though, we just aimlessly roamed
through the greatest playlist from ages ago

Annnnnd, there was a violent storm
She invited me in, then invited more.
I played it cool, like I’ve tried before.
But she was hot, and provided warmth.

Annnnnd, there was a violent storm
I invited him in, then invited more.
He played it cool, like he’s tried before.
But I was hot, and provided warmth

Her wet dress pressed against her left breast
enticing a question to which her silhouetted flesh said “yes”
But I didn’t stop there with the inquiry, she was still hiding the rest of her mystery
This is me: Encyclopedia Brown helping out kids in need.
She looks sixteen, and like Mandy Moore
If I believed in God, this is what I’d ask him for
I feel like a kid in a candy store
stealing all the candy that he can’t afford
She played a song that felt like a drink in the summer.
I don’t hardly know her, but I think I could love her.
I think I already love her, Although there’s more to discover.
and… our hearts kept the same beat as peter lucia the drummer
We bared ourselves to one another
shared ourselves while under cover
ensnared in spells of drumming thunder
it’s no wonder why we’d come here when succumbing to hunger

It was so cold. we warmed up. and the storm grew, so violently
and I know It’s sort of cheating when you spend time with me
we took our clothes out of the dryer
to wear the warmth of our desire
and it felt like a fire
skin deserves to be admired
anyway, it’s getting late
I’ll call you another day to set a date
mainly though, we just aimlessly roam
through the greatest playlist from ages ago.

Annnnnd, there was a violent storm
She invited me in, then invited more.
I played it cool, like I’ve tried before.
But she was hot, and provided warmth.

Annnnnd, there was a violent storm
I invited him in, then invited more.
He played it cool, like he’s tried before.
But I was hot, and provided warmth
Track Name: Making Out – 5:59pm, June 10, 2001
Making Out – 5:59pm, June 10, 2001


You can call me names, but all the same I look better without
your ball and chain, Tommy James can’t keep us together. I’m out
A rash decision is how you’d like to chalk it up
but I can listen to the Shondells without you poppin’ up.
Crimson and Clover was our song, now we’re over
is it wrong to be strong and move on? is it colder,
that I moved on to a better girl and you know her?
Her and I used to play the friend card
We’d give each other backrubs that never went far.
But now that you’re out of the picture
I cornered her. I leaned in and kissed her.

I used to say you were my sunshine, but now I’m done lying.
Ask me how I’m doing. I’ve been making out just fine. Just like I knew I would.

I’ve come to find that love’s not blind; it sees clear.
I must confide, it’s tough to hide. So three cheers,
for trying new things, stepping out of routines
wearing something other than t-shirts with blue-jeans.
I’ve turned over new leaves, ‘cause your garden grew weeds.
Her’s is flowerful (I took it in more than a few dreams).
You wonder what she’s got that you don’t? well you could say,
that she’s everything you’re not, in a good way.
She’s your antithesis;
in every way you’re dull, she shows more magnificence.
and me, having been freed from your tyranny,
I don’t even wanna take a conversation seriously.
don’t give a shit what her and my status is.
I do know she thinks I deserve better than adequate.
and since you’ve been kicked to the curb,
I think I’d rather listen to her.

I used to say you were my sunshine, but now I’m done lying.
Ask me how I’m doing. I’ve been making out just fine. Just like I knew I would.

Crimson and clover… now we’re over (x2)
Crimson and clover, was our song, now we’re over.
is it wrong, to be strong and move on? was it colder,
that I moved on to a better girl?
When I ask you how you’re doing, you get tongue-tied.
I can see your stung pride just won’t let you unwind (your tears haven’t run dry).
I will not come back, no I’m not like some guys.
I consider you unsigned. Go out in the world and dream plus-sized (it’s finally come time).
I said you were my sunshine, but now I’m done lying.
Ask me how I’m doing, I’ve been making out just fine. Just like I knew I would (x2).

“Everything seemed love love yo. Shorty was the one that I thought of, so…”
Track Name: Sunsettling Thoughts - 4:35pm, June 4, 2001
Sunsettling Thoughts - 4:35pm, June 4, 2001

I replied that I was “good” when you asked
not good meaning good, but good meaning bad.
I realize that I don’t really care
I went home, and you were there.
I tried to avoid it, I saw you had prepared.
to play a game, you could have told me that the truth was a dare.
a humanly err, a few too human to care
Our love didn’t stop growing, oh no… it just grew in despair.
Come now, There there, your inner child is at war
Change what? You can’t change that you don’t make me smile anymore
and Even if you could I wouldn’t want you to…
I would have told you sooner, I just thought you knew.
Telling you is not something that I forgot to do
I didn’t criticize you all week just to talk to you
But I’ll spell it out for you, if it’s something you think you’re ready for
I don’t L O V E Y O U anymore.
No reason, I just fell out, and fell hard
For all of your girlfriends and their friends - I get hard.
I’m leavin you, I need to, or I’ll cheat on you
Your friend Carly is cuter than fuck I wonder what she could do.
You can be evil too, you know, and equally boring
there’s no hope for us, so why the hell should we keep exploring
You can cry here all night, but you have to leave in the morning
We can’t talk about this later, could you Please stop ignoring.
that I just broke up with you sunshine –
that’s why it’s raining down on your cheeks,
Bear in mind, Caroline, we've been frowning for weeks.
So you should want this too, we can call it a mutual split
I’ll give you some time to think it over, give me a call when you choose to admit.
that It’s over. I’m leaving.
Nothing you say, could make me stay, you couldn’t give me a reason.
It’s over, I’m leaving
It’s over, I’m gone.

“I saw the moon turn to blood, watched the sun go black
sisters crying ‘come back’, cause now their whole world lack”
Track Name: My Turn – 12:58am, June 13, 2001
My Turn – 12:58am, June 13, 2001

A long time alone, on my walk getting stoned
I arrived at a desire for shelter and began home
On my way back from the train tracks
I had aimed past emotions stained black
But they came back when I saw her letter
I didn’t think she could sink… I thought I knew her better
I didn’t bother trying to father, she’s a grown girl
Acting out the most childish shit in the whole world
So, I brushed it off. I threw it away
I had a couple thoughts, but I knew what she’d say
Didn’t go over or phone her. I told nobody
I didn’t even stay sober. Stayed happy go lucky
Didn’t think it worthwhile
To have to exert myself
Her cry for help, it was doomed from the start
I’m just too full of myself to make her room in my heart.
I hate to add, and this will probably just make her mad
But, I erased the mixtape, the one with songs from dates we had
Crimson and… oh sure, now I’ll want to take her back
Now that she wants to kill herself, over the way I acted
If it came to that, I’d act as though I gave a damn
But, I ain’t here to hold her hand, I ain’t her dad
She’ll get over this eventually, it’s basic math
Time’s a healer of hearts, though he’s a patient man
My heart’s a sacred land, she can’t build there
I treat her so poorly, I can’t believe she still cares
I confine myself to my self like it’s a wheelchair
So, when I think of others, I get real scared
About, let’s see, how will this affect me?
They shouldn’t expect me to care, I’ve been set free
I was pretty sure that she was just lying at first
But, wait it gets worse
Then I got a phone call and the whole shit snow balled
Out of control, weighing down on my soul
My ex met death, just like she wrote in her note
About… how I took her for a ride and she felt run over
I hope her suicide truly consoled her
Fuck it, why’s her mom calling me anyway?
But, wait a minute…
She doesn’t seem to know that we’ve been broken up
So I act tear-soaked, too choked to have spoken up
I didn’t exactly lie, when I realized,
That her mother never once mentioned suicide
Who am I to correct? This woman’s depressed
I acquiesced—just responded with a “yes”
Like “yes, it must have been a hit and run,
I completely agree that this tragedy’s a bitter one
But, how could we have known? It was warningless”
“Alright. Goodnight. I’ll come by tomorrow morning-ish”
When I hung up, I was back at the train tracks
Back with a backpack full of spray-paint cans
Back to the same crap, my thoughts stained black
Throwing up an end-to-end burner to explain that
A young girl just crucified herself, while the devil watched in horror
Sick Caroline…
She could have had the last word, if she hadn’t happened to hurt
That’s why you don’t quit the game right after your turn
Sick Caroline…
She could have had the last word if she didn’t have to be hurt
That’s why you don’t quit the game right after your turn
Because others will keep playing when you’ve left.
“And what’s that make you think?”
“It makes me want to help… but that’s not what I do.”
Track Name: Deathbed Confessions – 8:31am, May 1, 2071
Deathbed Confessions – 8:31am, May 1, 2071

I’ve dropped some evil, got some good, faked it off before wide eyes
The more I fail, the more I try
A lot of people thought that I would pray to God before I die
Sunday buffet, I’ll have the meat
Lord’s name in vain, I blasphemy
Sex before marriage, naturally
I covet everything, I’m a man of greed
Lust? I trust in flattery
Theft? I mostly randomly
That’s just me and I’m glad to see
That bad things never came back to me
And what does that exactly mean?
“My people… let pharaoh go” “Die”
I’ve dropped some evil, got some good, faked it off before wide eyes
The more I fail, the more I try
A lot of people thought that I would pray to God before I die
But I’d sooner random dial strangers on my telephone
Because at least they dumb it down to the only language that I’ve ever known
They don’t speak in code or steal into my mind and read beliefs and goals
He can keep his gold, but I’m not going to add to it. Leave my greed alone.
Calm down, you crazy cult fans, reason’s home
And all she really wants to tell you is “to each his own”
But, you can’t teach an old preacher those new tricks
So, forgive me for checking whether the evil souled shoe fits
I’ve dropped some evil, got some good, faked it off before wide eyes
The more I fail, the more I try
A lot of people thought that I would pray to God before I die
There will be pain and pleasure
It’s just something that we do, my darling
Here’s looking at you – I’m departing
Starting to see death better
Good deeds won’t feed you when you’re starving
Unless you use it as a tool in bartering
You said “what goes around comes back again”
But, that’s absurd, it never occurred, it isn’t happening
I’ve done some bad shit, some bad shit came back as magic
Some average come random actions have happened
And then bombs have landed
But not on me… on strangers
…their kids and on their neighbours
Even though they avoided behaviours that would have attracted bad karma invaders
It didn’t matter.
I’m waiting for a god to give an answer
to what kind of hate he’d have to have for us
To let good kids get cancer.
Fuck god. Fuck his plan. It isn’t worth it
Innocent children die, who don’t deserve it.
“Only the good die young, so I’m bad as fuck”
Track Name: Hopefuls in Love – 9:11pm, September 3, 2120
Hopefuls in Love – 9:11pm, September 3, 2120

her introduction was like a call to applaud
but they just nodded to the beat, like nodding in agreement, indeed it,
must have been GOD who sent her here, obviously
a façade of a down to earth common like we
we ,The Audience, we were drunk when we got here.
So the morals she was putting in her songs they were not clear.
she stopped to ask if the vocals needed turning up
or if maybe we’ve just heard enough concerning love.
we prefer our churches purged of blood
who can play nice with others not burn them up
because a curse like such we avert that stuff
we’re the first to assert we’re not perfect, but…
perfection ain’t worth that much.
protection, however, that works for us
so we agree to leave our heroes in the books we read
and do our best to arrest all the crooks we meet.
But she wants names like who you tryin to be just like?
or, who would win a genius fight?
Who keeps out the fiendish types?
Jesus Christ, who’s your jesus christ?

we drink, we smoke, and we fuck. She thinks the joke is on us,
but we’re the ones having fun laughing, acting hopefuls in love.
So what’s her fucking problem? Is winter touching autumn?
Is she so in love with this crowd she can’t help but picture nothing on em?

There are no heroes here. Your songs are insincere. They make us disappear to the bar to get some beer (cheers). We’ve had the best of years, without your lessons dear. So, save your sermons for certain suggestions interfere with our having a good time. We’ve never understood why, since we can never be perfect, you still expect we should try?

She insists, “who do you aspire to
be like that he might come to admire you?”
the truth is, though, we’re not worried about idols
we’d sooner keep our eyes out for our real life’s rivals
just like the opportunistic scott freeman
who was caught cheating on good, who never got even
but we’re not leaving justice in his clutches
never put too much of our trust in any judges
Freeman was more of a human than jesus
even if only for proving his thesis
that only people can punish your sins in this life
the only life that you know and ought to care about.

He’s been through the morgue, now lies in his grave
He lived by the sword … but he died from old age.
Ain’t no chocolate covered bunny gonna bring him back
ain’t no optimism gonna help you think of that.
The singer got off the stage, even though she still had lots to say
But, not today, they were taught to pray
It came from the heart and it went this way:
“To err is human, I guess that the devil was too then. (God forgive him).
Christ was human, I guess that God was too then. (and I Forgive him).
We just deal with whatever when it gets here
Fuck an afterlife, we’re worried about next year.
Scott Freeman, all too human
Stop dreaming, because yall are too then.
Track Name: SF is Born – 4:12am, December 3, 1984
SF is Born – 4:12am, December 3, 1984

SF is born, sorrow ensues
born on the morn of some horrible news
it was probably - a coincidence…
in the lottery of instances.
most of these little kids exude innocence
but Scott’s eyes gave hints of maliciousness
Looked just like his father – reminiscent of lucifer
wrapped up in a frailty that wasn’t really fooling her
Gave up the world, but never forgot
that She had prayed for a girl – (and) settled for Scott
ready or not… all mother’s love their children
but some are better at showin it.
mrs freeman’s trying her best… and still blowin it.
she’s just tryin her best.
regretted the life that she was giving
as soon as the very first minute he started living
but so he was born and sorrow ensued
they congratulated her and she was sort of confused
it was probably god’s sadistic shit
called the lottery of instances
bought the Trojan horse gift wrap at the seven eleven
two out of one hundred will fail,
should have used some extra protection
yes, retrospective suggestions are less than helpful
those lessons are better spent on prevention
and just like union carbide, she threw her arms wide
like what do you expect from me world? to get used to a hard life? (No thank you).
Track Name: Amedoricca – 8:32pm, September 11, 1988
Amedoricca – 8:32pm, September 11, 1988

“I wanna hear a bedtime story”
“alright… Once upon upon a time…”
“Naw. I already heard that one.”
“I know, but it’s important…”

Once upon upon a time is where we find this
The epic story of King Ittus
Who gave a chest of diamonds to each of the finest
Knights who were loyal to his highness
And he gave them a request to take upon a quest
Out west into the dragon’s nest
To save the princess, whom everyone had guessed
Was kidnapped by that giant pest
The armor-clad knights were told to pack light
They made haste. To gain pace, they left that night
And so the four of them, with swords and horses fend
Can’t let the evil forces win

I know it seems cliché, but that’s the way it happened.
I know… cliché.

Princess Amedoricca, the Spanish jewel was more of a
Shining light that Ittus might use kind of like a court of law
To keep the people appeased.
He felt, that when she was there they knelt like they were weak in the knees.
It’s like he needs her to keep the people content
With the upper classes’ access to a heap-full of rent
But, ever since she went missing from that pageantry
Even simple everyday-folk have risen to anarchy.

I know it seems cliché, but that’s the way it happened.
I know… cliché.

The knights paid a local tribesman a handful of diamonds
To guide them through the wooded highlands
Into Allende’s country: dragon town.
Expecting to find Amedorrica gagged and bound
But first, they encountered many polite like peasants
Who offered to point the knights in the right directions
Toward Allende’s cave
They sped off impetuously, like brave men behave
They quickly arrived at the mountain’s gaping mouth
Entered from the west, while the dragon had been facing south
And without hesitating in the least
They surprise stabbed the heart of that magnificent beast

I know it seems cliché, but that’s the way it happened.
I know… cliché.

There came a thought piercing discordant cry from
The princess, who had come walking up behind them
Even though the monster was no longer breathing
The princess was still trying to stop the bleeding
She was inconsolable—I mean hysteric
The love she must have felt for Allende became apparent
And the knights, they didn’t know what to do
So they stabbed and killed the princess too (and the king was pleased)

… it seems cliché, but that’s the way it happened.
I know… cliché.

Once upon upon a time… on 9/11 1973. It seems cliché.

“I know only the good die young is a cliché”
Track Name: A Children’s Game – 10:16am, October 3rd, 1995
A Children’s Game – 10:16am, October 3rd, 1995

The rules of the playground have been laid down since before first grade ‘round kindergarten it’s the first thing we learn – while we’re thirsting to learn – they tell us where to go and where not, rehearsing each turn. supervised – they yell “danger danger, make sure your shoes are tied.” The teacher’s in the general corridor, and Billy, he had several wars with her: It’s Billy’s first day back since being suspended. she knew it wouldn’t last but she still pretended. she was in the general corridor, yeah she’s an alphabetical orderer. She said “You’re drawing outside of the lines again Billy. Ryan, go outside try to find a friend, really. It’s recess, don’t you wanna run around a bit?” She asked maliciously but wasn’t really proud of it. Ryan’s crying holdin his stomach, he’s going to squeal, still she’s hoping he doesn’t. Ryan points at Billy – Billy acts surprised - and then demands that ryan take back those lies. Ryan’s like half his size and she knows Billy wouldn’t give it even if he had an alibi. The teacher can’t exactly look at their minds, she needs some unbiased eyes to decide and Ryan provided mine, “Scott saw it happen” – which was true, but I took off when it happened. I was outta there, pretended to be unaware, and quickly joined an already in progress game of double-dare…

And there I saw a smart girl throw a rock at the principal’s car
left an unsightly scar, to which the group played an integral part
we thought it was a game – then again most rituals are
even when we get caught (then especially)

I was on the playground that we share with the public school, where we learn to play a lot of games with a hundred rules – like don’t fuck with Billy; Billy doesn’t play nice. He’s bigger and older, he failed the fifth grade twice. We learned that too and other important stuff: “treat him like a statue, and he’ll go on ignoring us.” “if someone gets punched (remember) statues don’t punch, because if you say otherwise, he’ll catch you at lunch.” and he’ll do more than just take your orange juice. If you try to run away you just get more abuse. Ask Ryan, he’s hopin that the lessons will end. but slow learners will get tested again. you you you and all the rest of your friends should just walk away from this. It’s in all our best interests – even the teachers’.

Billy’s not afraid to go home for three days, but I’m not prepared to put him there. Silly, all the games that we know and we play, nobody can quit – I wouldn’t dare. So the turn that I took was a play by the book, “I can’t recall the details of every way that I look.” I’d like to grow up to be an old man; the school doesn’t have a witness protection program. and there’s no video recorders in the corners of the corridors, because you can bet if they had, they woulda caught those kids who stole the very expensive electric scales from the chemistry lab. “my memory’s bad,” or at least that’s what I told told her, “I was much too far away maybe if I was closer.” I concluded finally, “I didn’t see a violent scene, Ryan looks fine to me. It’s not like he’s bleeding or anything.” Billy’s smarter than that, give him some credit.

“I was a child of the eighties, growing up in the nineties”

That’s right, I lied. Oh well, my mask worked fine.
This is not the last, nor the first time. (I wouldn’t trust me)
I’ve learned the rules, therefore how to break them
Your control of the school is mistaken. (I cannot trust you).

“I threw a rock ‘n I ran… cause I could”
Track Name: The Truth -12:37am, June 13, 2001
The Truth -12:37am, June 13, 2001

She had an ativan and a percoset
too bad that they hadn’t started working yet
still a nervous wreck, her husband learned to let
her pop pills when she was hurt or upset

drowning in pain on the church’s steps
but the more she prays, the worse it gets
withdrawing from the world and incurring debts
she tried her personal best to find a purpose in death

just like father Michael suggested
got her bible protected
pressed against her chest in
faith and yet hopes that her prayers are effective.

yes let’s feed hope’s appetite
acting like we can bring her back to life
Mrs. Bright, in more than just her name
it’s all a part of God’s plan, she complained

And they will wear black as usual,
with a matching hat and shoes as well,
they will honour her Christian daughter
by giving her a catholic funeral.

She called scott, doesn’t like small talk
she thought he thought what she thought that they all thought…
--that the loss was a lot—
but… more often than not, she never saw the awkward in scott

she didn’t hear that motherfu-fucker, mumble a stutter
watching the clutter become just another
hollow exchange – is that all you can say
you only think that you miss her, but she hasn’t been gone for a day.

well okay, Mrs. Bright hung up and prepared to pray
she turned on the lights and
knelt by the night stand
and felt a folded piece of paper by her right hand…

she read the suicide note just like you and I know
hoping Scott truly dies slow
caroline likes the world better dead,
and it was all Scott’s fault, (or) so the letter said

it was the scariest and saddest thing that Mrs. Bright had ever read
Caroline was a suicide…
you think that it would be embarrassing right?
well she thought so too
and then a new thought balloon popped into view
and it grew and grew so huge, it’s all she could muse…
with all she could lose, why even bother with truths?

she’s already dead,
why drag her name through the truth, when the truth is so.. muddy. (x3)
And she will wear black as usual,
with a matching hat and shoes as well
they will honour her Christian daughter
by giving her a catholic funeral. (x2)

The path she walked was a hell of a route.
too scared to find what the truth implies,
She wouldn’t dare to tell them the truth.
Caroline was a suicide,

if scott didn’t know, she wasn’t gonna tell him
she thought this was a farewell to heaven
Well, then. it’s just too early to tell
sometimes burning in hell is just as pearly as well.

And she will wear black as usual,
with a matching hat and shoes as well
Yes, they will honour her Christian daughter
by giving her a catholic funeral.