Get all 16 Nolto releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of TikTok Make-Up Tutorial Song, The Gumshoe Strut / Nolto & Dren - Split, from Saskatoon to Winnipeg 2000-2008 Rap V1, Sit-Down Comedy, Sleeping Shirts / Common Good, SADS (Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome), Scott Free... Red Handed, Noltferatu & Drencula, and 8 more.
1. |
Sit-Down Comedy
01:06
|
|
||
This isn't stand-up or stand-out. This is careful. This is planned out. I sing about honesty. Sit-Down Comedy. Fuck a call and response, it fucks with the rhythm. When I say "hey," you shut the fuck up and listen. When I say "ho," you take a seat and take notes. Never go out two nights in a row in the same clothes.
|
||||
2. |
What I Really Am
03:39
|
|
||
I'm not a player, I just strike out a lot
Hi, my pick up lines are the worst kind
First I ask about her name and then I blurt mine
I'd Like to think I flirt fine, but that's not the case
My seductive look is the same as my awkward face
So I told her tell that I wish I was dream catcher
So I could catch her... Right?
Off guard. Like what the fuck does that mean?
She explains that what I'm saying is that she's a bad dream
You should see me when I'm not half passed out drunk,
You should see me when I'm not myself
You should see me at someone else's best,
a good night's rest might help
You should see me in the morning, not hungover
You should see me when I'm sober
When I'm acting my age or when i act older
you should hear what I told her
"I masturbate to the thought of you"
was a really creepy thing to say
"I masturbate to the thought of you"
is a really creepy thing to say
I've got things more important to do
Than to simply have a can of orange soda on you
Not for what I really am
You should see me not for what I really am
I'd like to think I've got charm, but that's not the case
I'm 37 and I'm going through an awkward phase
I can talk at length. I can talk for days
I sorta blew it, I over do it, in a lot of ways
I never half-step, I over step
steal Rodney's jokes and yet I get no respect
So I told her that I don't have any shortcomings
She should expect long comings
You should see me when I'm funny
Not just obnoxious
You should see me in an office
When my humility is flawless
Looking awesome and accomplished
when I'm not almost unconscious
Dawson's Creek kind of popular
Not falling off my feet when I talk to her
Not for what I really am
You should see me not for what I really am
I scout for girls, you could call me a Girl Scout
I don't remember where I live, let's go to your house.
Not for what I really am
You should see me not for what I really am
So I ask her if it hurt, when she fell from heaven
You mean like lucifer? Ya...
Just like lucifer... Ya
Confidence is sexy if you sell it right
So you got a boyfriend... I'm not the jealous type
Not for what I really am
You should see me not for what I really am
|
||||
3. |
David Daniel
02:02
|
|
||
I'll never go to heaven. I'll never get invited.
In the end, there are no big surprises
In the end, our hearts are just different sizes.
And the only god that we should recognize is
the god that lives inside us.
I've been defiant,
of the holy church, cause a holy church is a den of lions.
I am old Daniel.
I will never be a ghost, I'll never live to try it.
In the end, there are no big surprises.
In the end, we'll all be resting in blissful silence.
no amount of wishful science, can validate your christian giants.
I've been defiant,
of the one true god, cause a one true god is Goliath.
I am young David.
You're not persecuted. You're not the underdog.
Though the words are stupid, it's one nation under god.
So I am old Daniel. I am young David.
Just think how dumb faith is when they say that he'll come to save us.
I'll be defiant,
of the one true god and the holy church of the simple minded.
I am your neighbour
lend me some Suge Knight.
|
||||
4. |
Ginger Rogers
02:30
|
|
||
She took me to a dinner and movie
I like my drinks bitter and boozey
She stole a kiss, because she felt like stealing
I'm about to lose control and I like the feeling
It’s not her fault, I left it there
She don’t give a god damn if heaven cares
I’m drunk, She’s well aware,
she’s Ginger Rogers, I’m Fred Astaire
And I’m dancing on the ceiling
Dancing on the walls
Maybe I’m just dreaming
And we didn’t have sex at all
I forgive her, if she so cares
I had asked for this, though only in my prayers
she makes moves, moves are for making
she takes advantage, advantages are for taking
It’s not her fault, I left it there
She don’t give a god damn if heaven cares
I’m drunk, She’s well aware,
she’s Ginger Rogers, I’m Fred Astaire
And I’m dancing on the ceiling
Dancing on the walls
Maybe I’m just dreaming
And we didn’t have sex at all
I forgive her, if she so cares
I had asked for this, though only in my prayers
And I know, there’s no such thing
and, yet, I provide retroactive consent
She’s Audrey Hepburn.
she saw my head turn
And she can dance
Motherfucker she can dance
She can dance Around the issues
She’s Lena Horne
And I feel reborn
By her songs that she sings
motherfucker she can sing
and when she does it feels like she kissed you
She took control because she felt like taking
she stole my heart, while my heart was racing
it’s not her fault, I left it there,
But it is her fault she took it
I was drunk, she was well aware
She’s ginger Rogers, I’m Fred Astaire
|
||||
5. |
Triangles
03:13
|
|
||
I have hurt myself before, a few gory,
This is a true story
I was Down by the river at the Mendel art
Gallery, casually doing handrails on a snowboard.
Oh lord.
Oh lord what for?
All I see are triangles
telling me to yield, when all I really feel is maniacal
All I see are triangles
Telling me to slow, when all I want to go is in diagonals
Legs shot out front, head fell back
And slapped
on the concrete slabs
that were hard dude
Like in the cartoons, With stars too
Except they didn’t carousal a halo
More like a "hey yo"
“be careful with the payload”
You wouldn’t want to break those
they’d suppose
And they’d be right.
Way she goes, way she goes
All I see are triangles
telling me to yield, when all I really feel is maniacal
All I see are triangles
Telling me to slow, when all I want to go is in diagonals
Winter 1997
diagnosed diabetic
life tried to fuck me
I tried to let it
got stabbed by a drinking glass
Quite pathetic
stigmata stitches I’d protect it
By wearing a stint made by a medic
While snowboarding at blackstrap
Dren brought oranges in his backpack
We’ll come back to that We’re here to snowboard.
With much less skill than I’d hoped for
All I see are triangles
Telling me to slow, when all I want to go is in diagonals
All I see are triangles
telling me to yield, when all I really feel is maniacal
All I see are triangles
Telling me to slow, when all I want to go is in diagonals
Legs shot out front, arm fell back
The only good arm I still had
It Folded back, Broke in half
literally in half. bones overlapped
And That kinda humdinger
Fucks wit yur blood sugar
So come get your diabetic friend off the hill
Then dren fed me the oranges
From before the choruses
And kept me alive again
He was quite reliable
All he sees is triangles
Jason wants me
to sell insurance through primerica,
and he’s trying to tell me
how it’s not a pyramid scheme, but...
All I see are triangles
|
||||
6. |
Young Divorcees
02:27
|
|
||
Her pants are small, so her ass is gazed at by half the mall
And I can’t understand why you can’t understand at all.
‘cause she’s smart and funny, but only collects the attention of the harshest dummies
And I can’t really see why you never really saw it coming.
You pretend to bring common sense on subjects mentioning
That I can’t comprehend why you can’t comprehend a thing
You're about to flop, she loved you once, so you doubt she'll stop
I can't figure out how you can't figure out the plot
She's been taken for granted, been taken advantage of
you're probably right, that she wouldn't abandon love
But, that's not this, of this, she's had enough
You're less a husband and wife, than a couple who fights
you're certainly finding the mercury's rising
I watch the things you do, you’re such a fool
Do you know your soul should be worth more to you?
oh, weed and them dranks got your mind in a daze
I see right through you and the games you play
You might feel sad or remorse, but you're not sure,
you never had a divorce
and I guess it doesn't matter, cause now it's just a matter of course
And you don't got kids, so you don't got a reason
To visit, this is it. never an evening
at home or ever, talking on the phone or a being alone together
this'll go forever
They may have won the lottery
but when it comes to honouring
each other they discover a need for a tough apology
They may have won the foreplay
But when it comes to war they
Forget to pay respect and become young divorcees
|
||||
7. |
Sweet Cake
02:54
|
|
||
I can’t believe, the lies and deceit
from a so called friend
but I didn’t leave, go hide and retreat
and I won’t fall in
to the same mistake that I made before
we’ll be playing war
and I’ll be a spy and you’ll never know
what I’m aiming for
there isn’t anyone who hates you,
like I do
I put a poison in your cake,
I hope you might die soon
I could go to jail for a long time, it was crazy stupid
But, like a gun to my head, the sweet music made me do it
(Sweet music, soft and mellow, soothing and slow)
I owe you that much, I loathe you that much
I hope you start choking at lunch
We used to be friends, that used to make sense
I refuse to make amends
But to your face I’ll call you homie while I plot and scheme
to bury you alive in a hate shaped box to dream forever,
every time I think of you dead I start feelin better
and you can keep the sweater you stole
you’ll never be whole
you’ll never grow out of acting like a seven year old.
I hope you get stricken, lots with chicken pox
and lay awake praying that the itchin stops.
I hope your kitchen's stocked, with that cake I gave you.
(Sweet music, soft and mellow, soothing and slow)
Fight me
Fuck you
Motherfucker, fight me.
Fight me.
Beat my face. steal my change.
Fight me.
Break my nose. Take my clothes.
Fight me.
Beat me up. Steal my stuff.
Fight me.
Break my bones. Take my phone.
Fight me.
|
||||
8. |
Frayed Knot
04:35
|
|
||
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm a Frayed Knot
I led you to believe that I was something special
But I am less reliable than rusting metal
My brain is infested with fucking devils
Marky Mark Hamill and the funky rebels
You may have thought that I would hold your boat ashore
Now it's lying on the ocean floor.
It Doesn't matter what you were hoping for
The door to disappointment is an open door
I will let you down like a broken ladder
Because my rope is tattered
You may've thought that I would make a great rock
But I'm a frayed knot
I'm a frayed knot. I am not what they thought
I am lesser. Easily broken when under pressure
I already know that my tires will go flat
I peaked in the 1980s like Bojack
Horseman
Of course man.
I am your unjammable door jam
your not to scale floor plan
I am not more than
a two bit joke,
bandaid on a slit throat
We can talk about causation,
we can think about catalysts.
Low expectations bring about happiness.
But I will be worth less than ancient arts,
out of date models no replacement parts
A misunderstanding without letting you explain
I'm a frayed knot, not a heavy duty chain
If you misplace trust and think I must be stable
I come in like wrecking ball on a rusty cable
I'm a frayed knot. I am not what they thought
I am lesser. Easily broken when under pressure
I'm afraid.
|
Nolto Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Nolto is a rapper, songwriter, lawyer, husband and father. He's also very uncool and dislikes most everything.
Streaming and Download help
If you like Sit-Down Comedy, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp